Mom would have turned 64 on June 30. I’m a little delayed in writing this post, but I wrote much of this on my Facebook page on Mom’s birthday.
I was struggling to figure out a way to “celebrate” her birthday. I don’t especially feel like celebrating. I decided to spend part of my day getting a manicure and pedicure at a local salon we used to go to together when she came to visit. I actually avoided going to this salon for the first few months after she died because being there was just too painful for me. On her birthday, I chose to remember how much she liked it there. As I left the salon, I noticed how hot it was outside. Mom used to joke that her birthday was always the hottest day of June – no matter what. This year was no exception, with the heat index well above 90.
Every year, Mom treated herself to a lobster on her birthday. Mom absolutely LOVED lobster. I decided to have a lobster dinner to celebrate. In a strange, and slightly twisted way, it seemed like the only appropriate thing to do. My brother said that he had decided to do the same. We had not discussed our plans, so the fact that he decided on a similar celebration made me feel better about my choice.
The lobster was delicious, but every bite was bittersweet.
I don’t remember exactly when I bought her birthday card, but I bought it very early this year. Perhaps in December when I bought my husband’s birthday card. I’ve never done that before and, of course, now I can’t give it to her. I bought it because it was so perfect. Every word is true.
I miss her so much.